True Crime Thoughts

I'm about finish with a book called "Bully: A True Story of High School Revenge," by Jim Schutze. It's an interesting read about a group of twenty-somethings that plot and execute a murder of a bully they all knew and hated, for lack of a better word.

I was more interested in the groups' thought processes before and after the murder. The book does an okay job setting up the plot and defining the characters, but I was left yearning for more indepth info and more pictures of all victims. (Google doesn't help)

I'm always fascinated with the behavior among younger people. By young I mean 20 and under. I wonder what elements had a part in the thought processes. Some wonderings are: a product of their environment, mental capacity, education, social/peer/group aspects, etc. I wonder what the defining point is in their lives, that they choose to make these decisions that change their lives and those around them forever. I wonder what the thought process is of justifying taking a life (if there is any) among offenders.

I choose to believe that sociopaths are more common than people think.

There's another great book, one of my favorites, called "A Cruel Sacrifice," by Aphrodite Jones. It's a great book about a group of young women in high school that kill one girl. It's really sad and graphic, but a really good read; I highly recommend reading it. They too are the people that have to live with their decisions.

I've always been into true crime books, but some are just too painful to comprehend. My favorite book of all time is "For Laci," by Laci Peterson's mother. It's so well written you almost feel like you were there. I cried a minimum of eight times during the reading, by crying I mean sobbing all night long. One of my life goals is to meet Sharon Rocha, Laci's mother and tell her how much her book changed my life and how sorry I am for people that make decisions with out really thinking it through.

I can't comprehend the notion that murder is the only option some people think they have.

In Case You Need to Waste Time

Here are my all time fave websites/smut to waste time (in order of my preference):

1. Perezhilton.com
2. Youtube.com
3. tmz.com
4. usmagazine.com
5. people.com
6. blogger.com
7. fark.com
8. imdb.com
9. failblog.org
10. mollygood.com
11. gallupindependent.com
12. foodnetwork.com
13. icanhascheeseburger.com
14. azcentral.com
15. catster.com
16. randomfactsuselesstrivia.com
17. hollywoodtuna.com
18. npr.org
19. salon.com
20. netflix.com

Chiricahua National Park

This weekend Keem and I went to Chiricahua National Park to visit my brother, who has been working there for the past three months. I was a bit hesitant to leave our little bubble in Mesa, but I did for the sake of my brother. He has no telephone, TV, roommates, or (GASP!) internet!!

The four hour drive down wasn't too bad, I usually read to Keem, but this time we listened to Howard Stern most of the trip and laughed hysterically at Daniel Carver's rants. When we got to the park it was sprinkling. In the morning we went on a small hike to the creek and then on to the Peach Festival in Willcox, Az. Nothing worth noting, but it was fun picking peaches and making cobbler.

We had dinner with my brother's neighbors, who are very witty and gave us some great laughs all evening. I made mutton stew, cornbread, and potato salad with two cobblers. (Comfort food for Jay mainly)

In the morning I was ditched by both of them. I woke to find myself alone. I assumed they went for a hike and left me because I complained the entire hike the day before. (Hey most people would to if they were bitten on every limb and stung on the inner thigh-bastard bugs!) I have a theory that mosquitoes love Native American blood because Keem NEVER gets chomped, just me. Or maybe they like darker meat?

When they returned from their hike, 3 hours later, we all hiked to a small cave in the rain. It started to rain harder, so we drove to a look out on top of the mountain. Geniuses we are, we hike to the top using a metal handrail while thunder and lightening was all around us.

The scenery, especially the rocks, were so amazing with the clouds rolling by in grey mists. Volcanic erosion created the unique cylindrical rock formations; these formats are beautiful. The air was so clean and crisp. It was such a lovely experience. I highly recommend going to Chiricahua National Park at least once in your lifetime.

The Degradation of Homelessness

Yesterday I was on my way to work at noon and to get there I go through a park by Thew school. As I was driving by I thought to myself, "Geez, there sure are lots of homeless people in this Tempe park. I wonder why they don't get jobs or volunteer to stay out of the heat?!?"

But as I drove past a group of men sitting under a tree I saw a young man in his early twenties among the tired weather scorched faces. He looked like a fellow Native American; sitting there with his bulging black backpack that looked too heavy and stuffed to carry. This individual reminded me of my younger brothers. I thought to myself, "How dare I assume people have nothing to do or they NEED to find work. What if they can't? What if THAT young man were my brother?" There was this look on his face, I can't quite explain it, that really troubled me. His face is permanently etched in my memory.

Needless to say, I couldn't stop thinking about him and the other homeless people out there in the extreme heat. I try not to cry when I think about them, as crying will do nothing.

I drove past the park today, but I didn't see him. I didn't see very much people there this morning, sans the joggers. When I was leaving from work, around 5pm, I saw the groups were back, but I did not see him.

On the way home I decided to find ways to help. I figured that water would do the most good, so Keem took me to Costco and bought 2 packs of bottled water. I was thinking about making sandwiches too, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it wouldn't be kosher with some people. (i.e. lawsuit happy people, society's' nay sayers, etc) I don't know. Maybe I'll see how it goes with the bottled water first.

When I got home I went online to gain more information about services in Tempe and I was astonished at the limited amount of resources in Tempe. The nearest soup kitchen is near the Tempe/Chandler border and websites don't mention anything about shelters in the vicinity-that I know of, I could be wrong though. I thought to myself, "If I was homeless in Tempe, it's got to suck to walk five to seven friggin blocks in the heat to stand in long lines to eat!" (I used to volunteer at the soup kitchen in Flagstaff, so I know people wait in long lines-sometimes up to an hour or more) I cannot imagine traveling by foot in the heat, especially since it's horribly humid sometimes. I break a sweat leaving my air conditioned apartment to the car.

I reflected on my life and the things I take for granted daily (i.e showers, food, and water for that matter) Yes, I was even ashamed to think that my cats probably live better than most homeless people; the cats have an abundance of food, water, and yes-even clothing.


Hopefully all will go well tomorrow and please donate to a food bank.

**Lobster Rant**

Today was such a beautiful day, so naturally, at dinner, I had to ruin it by thinking of all the lobsters that were killed and eaten today. Don't get me wrong, I sure do love a good steak, but lobsters-NO! I really can't be around people that eat lobster.

Yes, I get misty eyed everytime I see the lobsters in a little tank, waiting to die. I remember an episode, I think it was Frasier, about someone getting a lobster and throwing it back to sea. That was a funny one because he did more harm then good-but hey, at least he tried.

But seriously, I might be a hypocrite for eating other meats-so be it. Let me try to justify my rant here; cows and chickens are basically killed with a captive bolt pistol, or cow gun, to the head and quickly and die, but lobsters "need" to be boiled alive. I don't get this, yes, it might be "fresher," but geez, really??

TRIVIA: In some places in Italy it's illegal to boil lobsters alive.

I found an interesting website on lobsters using an argument of analogy. The big debate is about lobsters feeling pain and while they're supposedly frozen and put in a "trance like coma" and they don't (supposedly) feel a thing when they're boiled..to death..in the scorching hot water..alone... like the jacuzzi of death.

TRIVIA: In 2007, a study at Queen's University, Belfast, suggested that crustaceans do feel pain. Acetic acid was placed on the antennae of 144 prawns; the animals responded by rubbing the affected areas.

I don't know, but that definitely doesn't sound appetizing to me! Now, on the other hand, if I hear otherwise about the other meats I enjoy, I might have to change my mind and become a vegetarian. That's hopefully a long time away and I choose to be ignorant right now and enjoy my meats.

Be kind and pass on the lobster!

To mothers, fathers, and other crazy people

Since I turned older in January, I have been thinking about the future more and more. I guess the saying, "You're not getting any younger," is true. I was perfectly fine being a lone bachelorette three years ago with my two cats and two turtles, but I had a feeling that something was missing from my life. I wasn't as fulfilled as I thought I was...till I met Keem. He made the world a lot brighter and he's truly a great catch. (I had given up on the prospect of dating at this point) He's everything I've had ever wanted. He's very smart, open minded and best of all-genuinely kind.

Anyway, as you know, we're planning our wedding in June 09' and life is hectic. A coworker asked me if we were planning on having kids soon. I said, "No, we have too many right now." I cannot fathom the thought of having kids (human) right now. I have no idea how mothers/fathers even make it day to day with out daily doses of Valium or therapy!

Right now I work full time and plan to continue school in the Fall. When my shift is almost over at 5pm, I am completely exhausted! Keem and I carpool and I save enough energy to go pick him up and we go home. I cannot imagine having children. From what I have heard, they're like spider monkeys on crack, and sometimes not as cute.

My cousin had her baby not to long ago and I as I was holding her I was thinking, "Geez, what if you want to give her back later? Can you get a refund?" "What if you're too tired to get up?" "Will I ever have time to myself again?"

Whenever I am tired or lazy I feel bad for parents. (I'm sure some will say it's not too bad and it's worth it though) I guess you really have to have a strong commitment to your partner to raise children. I know communication is a given. My parents have been married for 30 years now. I asked my dad once his secret to a marriage, he said, "Deep love, respect, and compromise." I thought this advice wasn't too shabby for someone that has been married longer than I have been alive.

Parenting is for crazy people that like challenges and complications. But then again, I have seen parents become so creative and patient in the process. I hope to also gain some more of these skills before I actually teach.

I appreciate all parents and their efforts to make this world a better place.

A Circus Called the Cadman-Dentz Household

I decided to enlist my two cats in the circus for two main reasons. #1: To get them off their lazy butts, and #2: The cats need to start earning their keep! Don't get me wrong, I love my cats, but they just kind of exist. So far they both have managed to get me on their schedules (i.e. changing the water when it (god forbid) has been sitting for at least 4 hours and making sure their food doesn't dip below half).

I want you to know these two are no ordinary cats.

EXHIBIT A) The eldest is 13 years old named Cookie Venom. He has one of the most extraordinary skills any person/animal can have; even by Houdini's standards. He is an escape artist. I have yet to find a door that he can't manage to open. Don't ask me how, but he does it. (This includes sliding doors, house doors, room doors)

Last two nights ago, in the wee hours of morning, I heard the door open and asked Joaquim to go check (because I was a complete chicken) and he said Cookie was running down the stairs. He managed to get him back inside though. We both have the habit of locking the doors when we come home. I think Cookie thinks he's a tom cat that needs to be outside and will find any means to get loose (maybe in another life?)! He's really amazing to watch. He's an expert escape artist and super cute cat.

EXHIBIT B) Piddles-Gayle the feisty 3 year old from an unknown background. This cat can talk on command AND play fetch. The picture above is of him and his trusty sock. I can mail that sock to California and he'll find it. He doesn't seem to ever get tired of playing fetch too. (I think he has an identity crisis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIK5Gn5HbnU&NR=1)

How can a cat talk you ask? Well, he meows and chitters. If I ask him to talk, he'll meow/chitter and get all excited. In 7 years he might be able to pronounce words-mark my words.

I tried to get them to jump through hoops, but they look at me like, "How about no?" I really think we can all join the circus. I tried learning to juggle, to no avail; I have no patience. The cats seem to have a good act going. Keep an eye out for the AMAZING PIDDLES & COOKIE CIRCUS

An Ode to My Tin Whistle

I love my tin whistle. I started playing the tin whistle about 10 months ago. I used to get frustrated really easily because it was supposedly the "easiest instrument to play," but I don't think so. I think the xylophone is the easiest instrument to play.

I absolutely love my tin whistle. I love to practice and I was told I'm getting better, as I have never been musically inclined. It brings me a certain peace I can't really describe. When I get a song down, I feel such an accomplishment. I can only practice during the day and mostly in the car. I was banned/threatened from playing indoors.

I'll tell you a little secret: I wanted to learn 'Amazing Grace'...to piss off my sister. She hates it when I hum that song, so naturally, that's the first longer song I learned to play. I haven't been able to play it when she's around..yet.

I'm learning to play 'Scarborough Fair' now. I'm really tempted to play indoors, but I think I'm driving the neighbors crazy (but, they're no gems either). Anyway, I really want to practice, but like I said I can only do it the car. I tried taping the fipple, but it's not the same. I truly love to play it, it's almost like a stress reliever for me.

Good news. The love of my life decided I was doing such a good job, he ordered a special tin whistle I had my eye on for months. It's a Guinness black tin whistle in D and another tin whistle, a Clarke in C (I like the lower pitch whistles better). I can't wait, Keem is so good to me, even though I drive him crazy playing it.

I want to perfect my music, before I post it here. I wanted to join the beginner tin whistlers on YouTube, but people commenting can be so cruel and I don't want any negativity-from haters. I don't know, I guess I could. I could really use pointers from advanced players. For instance, my right ring finger tends to do it's own thing and doesn't like to take commands like the others. I diagnosed it with dissociative identity disorder.

Wish me luck

An Open Letter to Some "Insomniacs"

Dear fakers-yes, YOU that think you have "insomnia." Liar.

I know your kind. Whine and whine to people that you can't sleep...yet you spend almost every waking minute during the day sleeping. It's not fair. You ruined the term for me and others that truly have insomnia.

I spoke to..uh, let's say Person A, about my insomnia. She had the audacity to say her daughter was also suffering from insomnia. This person I never see awake, but sleeping during the day/evening and up all night. You, faker, are ruining it for the rest of us that truly have insomnia. You go to the doctor and say, "I can't sleep at night," but you don't bother to say, "Oh, this has absolutely nothing to do with me sleeping a lot during the day or taking lenghty naps. during the day."

I'm not a genius, but maybe you shouldn't be sleeping DURING THE DAY. This would clear up the "insomnia" real quick. Trust me, I'm not an expert.

To person B, the one that will take three to five hour "power" naps during the day. Yes, I know you lie to yourself, but it isn't healthy. If you weren't such a bastard I would tell you. I have a feeling it would be a fruitless effort anyway. Your excuses would never end: "I hurt, I need to nap, I didn't sleep well last night, it's my meds" (Blah, blah, blah) I don't mind that you complain all the time, but when you start seeking medical attention for something like this, it's ridiculous to me. I know it's sometimes hard to stay awake during the day when you are tired, but one word: TRY.

Let me explain where I come from. I go to sleep, usually on time, around 10pm-ish. I get everything ready for the next day (so I won't get up and fixed it at night). At night I have continuous racing thoughts. It's like my brain is on crack. One thought to the other, "I have to do this tomorrow," "This happened because if this," "I should do this or try this", and "This needs to be done for tomorrow."

It's almost like my brain is OCD about coming up with things to remeber/do/change. I've tried making lists (I keep a notepad by the bed), prioritizing things, and mediation, . They don't work. I have to get up for work at 6:20am, sometimes earlier. I toss and turn. I wish I could turn my thoughts off, but I haven't figured out how. It's hell for me. I don't sleep during the day like a faker and complain I can't sleep. I actually crave sleep at night. I sleep about 3 to 4 hours a night. During the day I feel like a zombie in a surreal atmosphere, yet I can't allow myself to sleep during the day. (God bless McD's iced vanilla coffee)

So to those that say, "I can't sleep at night," yet sleep most of the day: I don't feel sorry for you and your lies.

Sorry

Mig-Rain and Crazy Drivers

Last night I had a terrible time falling asleep after taking my new medication for insomnia. I felt really nauseated and couldn't eat a thing. It progressed to a headache and then on to the dreaded "M" word, a big fat migraine. It was one of the worst (e.g. Philly style-see bottom post). It was horrible! I couldn't sleep all night and woke with a throbbing head. I took a shower, but that didn't help. I took 2 Relpaxs and finally 4 hours later, I was almost sane. I asked my doctor once if migraines could cause brain damage, he laughed and assured me that it wouldn't.

I really hate getting sick on the weekends! I missed a dinner and movie night with Manny (my grandfather) and Keem. I want my day back, it feels likes such a waste.

I started feeling a bit better around 5pm. So we got the great idea to watch the rain.

IT WAS FLOODED! The water filled all the roads and drivers were driving like they never drove in rain! It was crazy. We stopped for ice cream and decided to go home to get the camera and camcorder. We taped most of the flooding, it was beautiful. I'm not complaining because 1) I love the rain and 2) Our area really needs it!

When we came back I was feeling a lot better and decided to make a strawberry-blueberry pie. The pie didn't look anything like the picture though. Deception from "cooking" books. I hate pretentious cookbooks that make me feel inadequate!

The picture above is my cat Piddles. He was being really bad and scratching feet, so I decided to punish him and made him wear a lobster hat. He wasn't happy, but survived.

Happy Sunday. I hope I sleep better tonight!

Rachael Ray and Other Lies: Cooking

Lately I have been watching the Food Network during the day. I don't like to cook and have no experience, but I must say these shows are not cooking. They are more like throwing premade foods together. What happened to making food from scratch? Not that I have high expectations, but jesus, this is ridiculous!

All shows use 5 basic ingredients: Garlic, Dijon mustard, EVOO, and lots of salt and pepper. On Cooking with Emeril I got a great recipe for chicken sauce. I went on the website to make a shopping list and the wine he used, a red Marsala, was friggin $249!!! (I would only spend that much on a pair of great leather boots, and I did, but that's another story.)

I think the shows like Rachael Ray are great for inspiration, but real cooking-no. In fact they should change the name to "Rachel Ray's Pasta Dishes."

I got a few recipes and made desserts. My fiance was the Guinea pig, but he said they came out great for my first time. I made low sugar apple cobbler and lime bars.

I feel like a failure when I cook. I know it's not up to par, but jesus, at least it's not premade crap thrown together. I'm going to try to get more recipes to try.
Keem is usually the cook and I must say for a vegetarian, he makes a mean cous cous o' chicken and grilled steak! We do have our battles over the amount of garlic, but I'll live. (He likes cloves and more cloves, I like 1/8 of a clove-mushed, not whole). His motto is: No Garlic, No Dinner!

A Rant on Migraines (A True Story)

It all started when I was 18. I thought I bonked my head in my sleep or something to that effect. I seriously thought my brain would turn to mush and come out my ears, I wasn't so lucky...I discovered I had migraines. These pesky impediments started getting worse and frequent. I didn't know what to do. As I got older, in my early 20's, they seemed to become harsher and frequent. I thought I was going to have brain damage because the pain was so intense, but the doctor assured me that migraines do not damage the brain (supposedly).

One cannot imagine the pain and inconvenience this causes on a daily basis. For instance, my fiance and I took a trip to Philadelphia and my worst fear came true. A migraine crept on in the middle of our trip. I tried to put on a fake smile and tell him everything was just peachy, that is until the pain got so bad I tried to drown myself standing up in the shower. To no avail, he came to my rescue and put me to bed with my cocktail. My cocktail is a mixture of Relpax and another pill. This doesn't always do the job, but I found it's about 85% accurate. I spent 25 years coming up with my concoction, only to be told later I wasn't to take the other drug. (Bastard doctors)

Anyway, I was recently put on a mixture of three medications. These worked like a charm and I have only had two migraines since I have been on the meds since last September. The caveat to this glory was insomnia. I told my doctor that I've been having insomnia since I have been on these medications. By insomnia I mean staying awake till 3-4am and waking for work at 7am.
I'm like a walking zombie.

I recently started doing weird things like typing different words than what I was thinking of and being forgetful. This is so not me, so I went to the doctor and she said, "You have to make a decision to be on meds that make you feel loopy or stop and have migraines." I was thinking, "Really? Are these my ONLY options?" So much for "progressive" medications.

Oh, add insult to injury, I'm ALLERGIC to Imitrex. I hear it's a wonder drug for migraines. Sucks to be me I guess. Well, not really, I have a lovely companion that cooks, snuggles, and has time to wake up in the early morning to talk to help me sleep. With that in mind, I guess I don't have it too bad. ;)