Turtle Shaming

"This is why we're living in this world," the register lady says to me, while giving me the stink eye. I went to SAS to get cloth and ribbons for cat clothes and when I approached the register I knew I was going to get asked what I was making.

Background- when you run into an elder native, especially a Sanii (grandmother), you bet you'll get asked questions. To others it may seem odd, but as a Dine woman, I know better.

When I picked out the cloth for a summer project, I wasn't thinking of the foolishness of it all, let alone running into a Sanii in Tempe. I really did want to make summer dresses for Fuzz. I went to check out and then she asked me the question, "So what are you making?" My little brain couldn't come up with a little lie fast enough, so I blurted, "Cat clothes." She literally stopped what she was doing and lowered her eyes and sternly said, "What?"

Sheepishly I said, "I'm making a dress for my...cat." Wise one then says, "First it's talking animals on t.v., then it's clothes for animals......this is why we're living in this world." (She was referring to the Fourth World, or the Glittering World)

I wasn't even about to say I had reptiles (a huge no no for Dine). I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to be turtle shamed for Chomper and Ren.

*Funny story, my mom let it slip to my grandmother that I had turtles and she said in Navajo, "Can I have their shells when they get bigger?"

:(

Facehuggers

When we first decided to purchase a house, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Little did I know that we were moving into scorpion central. When we first viewed the house, sure there were a few carcasses, but I didn't think it was going to be a huge deal as the house, we were told, was sitting for over a year empty.

Approximately one two months after we moved in, I saw it. Hubs was on the floor with our baby, Piddles. Then he spots a lil smug facehugger trying to exit on his merry way-right from underneath him. I was freaked! This changed me forever. Not to sound dramatic, but they are lil terrorists trying to take over your home and will use force if necessary.  

Ever since, I had this awesome company called Bulwark (not a plug, just stating the facts) come out and spray. I was very paranoid the first year and had them come 1-2 times a month.

I've never been stung, but I hear stories about how it is very painful and how your injection site is numb... FOREVER! (just kidding, for several weeks). Someone even mentioned that it was way worse than a bee sting. IDK, but I'm not taking my chances.

So that was what, three years ago? This week we hear Queen Useless meowing at the wall. Then hear a strange guttural noise coming from the Fuzz (Q.U.). hubs calls me to come over and there on the wall is a gargantuan monster. It was, honestly, the largest scorp I had ever seen...just chillin... on my wall. I'm surprised he didn't ask for a snack or drink. 

Now I'm petrified to walk without my shoes and constantly scan the floors. It's almost not even worth it to be downstairs. Fuzzy was okay, she was just trying to play with it. I call her Queen Useless because she literally sleeps all day and stays up all hours of the night chasing NOTHING up and down the stairs while howling like a wolf.

Fuzzy Rant

I've had Fuzzy-Gideon (Q.U.) ever since she was a baby. I remember she was the biggest of her litter, but she was always sleeping alone in odd places, while the others snuggled together for warmth. When I picked her up she had really bad kitty breath and was sassy. I knew she was the one.

She has selective hearing and for some reason, avoids me at all costs. When I pet her she tries to run away and has been caught sitting on the upper stair ledge "hunting" me. When my brothers come to visit, they call her name once and boy does she come running and turns into a snuggle monster. I tried this, but she ignores me like, "That's not my name. Stop."

I've been trying to hand feed her and get her to be a lap cat, but Fuzzy does what she wants to. Hubs claims she imprinted on my brothers...I just say she's a Fuzz.

Rez 101

I decided to make the least comprehensive list of complaints from my vacation on the rez.

#1) There is dust and dirt literally everywhere
No, I'm not using "literally" as a Kardashian interpretation, but in the actual literal sense. Since I am blind as a bat, I was quite surprised my lens lasted as long as they did. By the end of the day, I had to rinse the dirt from my mouth and wipe the accumulating dust from my glasses.

#2) You need a sturdy vehicle
Sure I have a cute lil Focus, but on rez terrain, not so cute. I've always wondered why a diesel truck was necessary and use to question my dad constantly, but no more. There were many times I was glad to be in an all terrain vehicle as I knew if I had my car, it would've gotten: stuck, sunk, scratched, flipped/damaged by overly affectionate horses, etc.

*Side note: Since the nearest store is about twelve miles away, you better make sure the gas comparable to the destination (trust me on this, not fun to wait for someone to get gas because you forgot to fill the tank, in 92 degree weather).

#3) The animals
Not that animals are bad or anything -some do know how to use the crosswalk. But, there are animals right and left, leaving one driving at night with a sense of uneasiness. There have been far too many "close calls" for me at night, so I just don't drive at night anymore.

I've been promoted to what my family affectionately calls an "elker". As an elker you have one, and only one duty, to watch for any animal on the roads day or night. (This moniker came about when driving through Payson and the enormous amounts of elk in the roads, so really it should be changed to "cower" for the rez)  The drive between where I live and my parents is about 6 hours, so it's quite a bit of driving we do. (My mom kept falling asleep, so she was demoted from being an elker, so be sure to choose your elker wisely).

#4) Water
Most of us do not think of water as a luxury and how accessible it is for (most of) us. The animals at the ranch need water, and a lot of it. If the windmill is broken, or not functioning correctly, where do we get water? (Hint: see side note for #2) Yes, you have to haul water.

Water (for human consumption) is not set up at the ranch, so if I stay there, guess where the water comes from? Yes, we have to haul it from my parents' other home. It doesn't sound like much, but trust me, it is. Think about how much water you use and waste daily. I learned really quick to take the elusive 7 minute shower (What? I'm not magic, that's the fastest I can take a shower). When I returned to my home in Gilbert, I had a new sense of awareness. When I look at our pool, I think about all the water wasted by evaporation and how many cows and horses could've benefitted from the water I wasted. Then I remember when I was almost chased by an angry cow (tagged #23 with evil beady eyes) for feeding the horses watermelons.

Note to self: Cows get jealous.