RANTS of the week

Suicide Pigeon Learns the Ropes

Rant #1: YouTube

This past week I had the privilege of reading an article in the Navajo Times (online letters to the editor) about the mockery of the sacred Yei Bi Chei song and dance. The writer was so disgusted that he actually wrote in to the Navajo Times to complain about it. I went to the link provided and there is was, two young girls on YouTube in silly make up telling the audience not to be "afraid" of the dance they were going to do-the "Yei bi Chai" (this sounds more like a spicy drink than a dance) dance of the Navajo.

Yes, this left me offended. I flagged the video that day...and have been doing so at least 15 times a day for the last week. I don't know whether to be more offended by the video or YouTube's lack of moderation. I see videos constantly being pulled off, especially the juicy ones, but not this blatantly racist video. (I would post it, but I don't want to give the video more energy.)

I've flagged it more times than I can count and commented on the video, to no avail. This sucks. I read that YouTube will usually remove videos that are copyrighted or threatened by lawsuits. It's also sad to know the girls on the video are our future and their parents obviously failed them. These are the type of students I dread teaching-attention whores.

Rant #2: Suicidal Pigeons and a Moped

The only reason I got my moped was because it's free to park it on campus. First, I really dislike riding it because the top speed is 40 mph and idiots tail you thinking you'll go faster. It scares me a lot; I seriously feel like I cheat death when I ride it.

Add insult to injury, pigeons-the cockroaches of the air, are all my arch nemisises. I used to like pigeons and even cried when they were being trapped here at our apartment complex, but no more. They are the dumbest animals ever.

I was riding along when all of a sudden a pigeon did a beak dive into on coming traffic, meaning me. I couldn't react fast enough and almost got a fat pigeon to the chest. I immediately thought of walking in to class with blood and pigeon guts spewed all over my chest and having to explain the embarrasing smell of rotting chunks of bird on me. (I mean it's bad enough I drive in 115 degree heat-like a hairdryer to the face- and have helmet hair when I arrive) But, thankfully it missed me by, literally, a foot (or bony claw).

Why do they do this? All I could think of was suicide. But, why take me with them? I hope he's in pigeon limbo, if there is one in the afterlife!

Navajo Code Talkers Day

Words cannot express the gratitude I have for the Dine that fought, and continue to do so, so my freedom.

Thank you.

Excellent YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXaMASPe7ys

Chauvinism At It's Worst

Today Keem, my grandfather, and I went to a great little Vietnamese restaurant for lunch in Tempe. During our lunch I couldn't help but overhear a group of guys talking about girls. Talking isn't a good word, more like rating girls.

One guy two tables down said, "I give *some employee they work with* a 7, but her face makes it a 5." The other guys laughed as if they pitied the fool, while another remarked, "I'd give *so and so* a solid 6, and that's being generous!"

I decided to ignore their witless banter and began thinking about how they would feel if someone said that about their sisters or mothers. I asked Keem, "Do you think they go home to perfect 10's? You think their chicks set the standard?" He smiled and said, "Uh, I bet otherwise!"

I didn't actually see the guys when they were talking/rating, so when they decided to leave I was a tad excited to see what they all looked like. Naturally, I thought they would be the lookers to set the standard for all us laypeople but...boy was I wrong! This bunch was nothing more than portly, hideous knuckle-draggers. To tell you the truth, I'm surprised they actually said what they did, seeing their conditions.

I left the restaurant very satisfied because the joke is on their hideous selves. I rated them no more than 1 1/2's (and +1/2 for evolving to an upright position)..... and that was, honestly, me being generous!

There Are No Atheists in the Fox Hole

This past weekend my religious beliefs were really put to the test for two reasons.

It all started when I was getting ready for bed, at my mother-in-law's, and decided to take off my engagement ring to wash my hands. (I've seen what years of lotions, soaps, and food preparations can do to a ring-thanks mom) The pure genius I am, I put it right beside the sink, that doesn't have a plug in the drain. As I washed my face I heard the unthinkable...a light tinkling down the side of the sink.

I instantly started praying and vowing good deeds to any higher powers listening. I'm not particularly religious, but that day I was. It was almost like slow motion, the ring circling the sink like a pinball. I heard Keem's cautions in my head run over and over (to which he denies to this day), "This ring is for the rest of your life, take care of it!" Then all of a sudden it stopped on the very edge.

I plea the fifth, I don't remember what I promised that day, but I guess it worked...or was it coincidence?

The second mishap had to do with trust and a dog. As most of you know, I have a severe case of Cynophobia (fear of dogs, except for chihuahuas). My mother-in-law has a huge dalmatian named Spartan that loves watermelon. I like to feed it to him, at a certain distance, to gain his trust. I bent down to clean the floor and found myself paralyzed with absolute fear when I realized that Spartan and I were face to face. So I was on the floor hunching over completely frozen in fright. (Words can't really describe the fear and anxiety I have with dogs) Images kept flashing in my mind of Spartan tearing my face off. I tried to talk, but I couldn't make a move. Luckily Keem was there and said, "Don't worry, he's just curious to see if you have more watermelon." Without moving my lips or making any sudden movements I said, "But, he's going to chomp my face!"

Keem put the whole issue at ease when he said, "Trust me, he's not after you, drama queen." He called Spartan away. I chuckled as I wiped the floor. I guess my mind just jumps to the worst possible scenario. It was a perfect way to defuse the situation-thanks Keem.

Thanks to Sister Joan too, she always told us in high school, "There are no Atheists in the fox hole." It's true.

Retraction on Rachael Ray

Sorry folks, I messed up royally. I judged before making an educated decision. I used to watch Rachael Ray and figured her style of cooking wasn't real cooking-mixing premade foods& making pasta dishes all the time. I tried a few recipes from scratch and decided this is for mostly patient people. (The kind that make their own pasta, and not for a student constantly in a time crunch)

I figured if someone on t.v. can persuade ME to cook more, than they can't be all that bad. Plus she has a great personality to boot, unlike other pompous chefs that have the personality of a rock-yes, you Bobby Flay & Tyler Florence. I never feel the need to change the channel or sleep during her shows. Yes, I even started to buy Everyday with Rachael Ray mags.

Sorry Rachael Ray, you're my new hero & I apologize.